it's today

and the continuation continues. at least at last. belong and long. wait. the weight. i am playing the weighting game. get on the scale. get back to scale. such yearning for so many things. to be alone for several years. to be secure and solid. to be lauded or to know that i will survive. and to write. and to entertain. and to continue. stuck in the unsticking. the flow. ever forward. everfore word. supplicants do not need to do any sort of anything. but if i could have one or the other. if i could just watch tv all day every day. or have a job and support just me and be lonely and alone. i know i would yearn then for this. but i yearn now for that. for time. so little and so precious. only to me. to others perhaps. i think i could do it. if it were given me. but nothing is given me and there are no paths. soon all will be eclipsed by aul. aughl. awl. of course. stay the course. only ever two things, one or the other. only ever death or survival. all else is detail. doesn't help right now. headright. must get my head right. starts somewhere. mainly just living in the present. and then that's it.