stream 9

no don't. no. the thing happening where I think hm. maybe society is only going to get worse from here. hm. not good. public schools are failing. environment crumbling. could be bad. but there are good things.

been thinking that the market is oversaturated with things that suck. but some things rock. they are out there. more than ever perhaps. maybe harder to find than ever. maybe because now everything feels like it should be so easy to find. but even Google search engine is bad now. silly time to be here.

yearn to return to videotape and flipphones. so reliant on the things that make me sad and bored. no room for anything but continuing and going.

today is a survival day. some days I just need to survive. feels like that today. having a baby is hard. too hard. wonder if anyone sees this or if it matters or not. not. it does not. not for them for me. have to switch. have to reframe. the framing is what makes it art.

had a thought today that I am obsessed with screen time. lots of scrolling. but what if I could pretend that my own eyevision was a screen. what if I am scrolling through each second. maybe if I can make myself believe that I'll be able to see and feel better. but there is no instant novelty. I need to see approximately 3 new things per second. I don't care if they suck as long as they are new. because if they are new that means they may be amazing. they may be lifechanging. anything could be there. but I need to realize that every frame of my life is that novel too. it's all new to me. hard to make the distinction.

pearly broughts. sickle swell of quell wellness suckle on the twelve. one two three o clock break me out of this cell. no it's not here it's everywhere else else else. where not me something me egoless and brainless be. say brainless. old tv theater black and why. and why not. and sights and sounds lists of ranks. rank abundance sweet thanks for all of this. no better or worse. none all or nothing. only different and all equal in some sense. all equal under the circumstances. all things being equal.

go go go until we don't go no mo. these are the things I will never forget but never experience again. older in years but day to day it's the same. never different but somehow I know it will be some day. she's been asleep for half an hour. probably going to wake up soon. she doesn't sleep long stretches.

play okay