stream 6

I want to write too many things. so instead I write nothing. now I'm writing this. this is good. this is happeningless. this is only for the me that is writing not the me that is reading. for now anyway. soon it will be reading-me that reads it and thinks and wonders what word I could have used instead. but in stone it is set. in perpetuity ad infinitum. going going gone. baseball Sundays evenings cracker Jack's no thanks I'll have good old fashioned hot dog in the small town in Ohio like Ray Bradbury would have invented because it's not really there it's a fantasy. that little place in your mind. that Twilight Zone episode where the guy gets off the train. the comfort of the past is that in the past you know the future. in the past it's all been done before. in the past you're just along for the ride. and there are sunsets and there are brick shacks restrooms and there are metal bleachers and when you sit there you can be happy. and there are families and summer time. it's summer time forever in that small town in Ohio that Ray Bradbury invented. and there is nothing beneath the surface, no great evil lurking there to take you at night when the red and purple turns to black. no clouds in the sky but some. a few. and shining stars? dozens, hundreds, thousands up there after dinner when you get home in your driveway with leftovers in tow. there are escalations. you wonder. poke through the holes in the sky. but not for now because this is the safe place. this is the everything is okay place. this is there where you are there the place where you are there and you don't need to be anywhere else place. water fountains. got em. nachos. got em. grass and leaves and trees. got it. magic like a young reader book. magic like the transportative power of literature. magic like its magic. the magic of it, not it is magic. not the magic of it is but the magic of it itself. its magic. you know that you only fantasize when you aren't there. one day you will fantasize about here. about September 23, 2023 on this day doing these things. a beautiful day. lucky to be here today. lucky every day but especially today. hopeful though you have no reason to be hopeful. huh.

there's a lot up here with no filter. I still filter everything because it's too fast and I'm too scared. fingers. no way to be faster is there? spoken no. reading. so much happening how can it stay straight there. how can it be one moment of experience. always thinking about always thinking about always thinking about always thinking about all ways thinking about all ways thinking a bout all ways think ingabout all ways thin king about all ways thin king a bout always thinking. about. always. alvvays. guts


okay sure. filenames. wonder where the wonder starts. wonder how they come there to be. must be from someplace. all of it must. must mystic. mysticism. ism miss thiss. tiss. wonder yeah sure why not. did this? or that maybe? yeh but it's cool. it's all good. moving over. finding more. feeling of yeah sure fear but itch but go but idk. only what's there. I do think it is craftless. I do think it is effortless. I do think it is childish. I do not think it is meaningless. I do not think it is valueless. anyone could have done it but he did it. he got lucky. no one should care but they do. I don't know why they do, probably history. he is history.

my dad gave me more than I thought. he had so much to give still. it was harder then. with the living room and the kitchen. with the piles. it was harder. with the lumbering and aching. with the harder. it was harder.

going to try to do more research. think through things more. thinging through thinks. doesn't matter if it's easy. doesn't make it less compelling. cheap like all laughs. hearty like the late nights. guts

been thinking life not narrative just. abstract. not Mondrian. more like other chaos. all together up there but not down here. all me really. ego and self worthless. guts

think it matters? if you have a comfortable idea?

the balance struck. struct. type def. all code underneath must be. somewhere in there. little scripts. little executables. little guys on little computers with little keyboards running programs. little cellular coroutines. never knew about those. not my time. my time was different. computational psychology they called the cognitive revolution I think. I wonder about these things. who am I to wonder? I'm the one. the won to one-der. one'd er. err they say. not sure what to say. funny. laugh track goes on again. little light says go. brainlight says haha. teeth they said. showing teeth she said was fear. response of absurdity but it feels so good. wonder why it feels so good. we love laughing. me I mean i do. forget why.

hustle. fast, must be. sonic the hedgehog. like sonic. faster even. it's not the speed of time. it's the consistency. it's not how fast. it's that it goes. time goes. it's not that it's coming fast it's that it's coming. and nothing stops it. but why would it. even if it did it wouldn't. maybe time does stop all the time. but we don't notice. because if we did notice tike wouldn't ve stopped.

time. misspelled. time. tike

ok gotta run!