stream 5

i think there is something important even though it seems like there's not. it seems like everything is either important or unimportant, but if everything is equally important, then it also feels like every thing must be unimportant. I think there is a lot of beauty in the subtlety of sometimes adding line breaks and capital letters at interesting times and places to tweets and like that things. I think it matters to every character. every char. characters as people as letters and numbers and symbols inside of strings. what beauty what love what mystery is encoded in the strings of us our DNA or our actions logged in coordinate maps through all time through all places. a universal coordinate system would look different because there are no fixed points in space. we are motion. moving. up and down. there is no such thing as up and down in space. only away and toward. only that-a-way and this-a-way. Hollywood boulevard with the people who are different from me who are better than me and always will be. the people who do not need the autumn. the people who do not need the little apple farm with the playground made from barn parts and wood chips and sloping rolling hills and cider donuts. the people who do not need the outdated landlordcore window treatments or light fixtures or hand-me-down coffee tables that my wife's father says could be fixed up but we will never fix it up because I don't care and it doesn't matter. the things that matter most. matter most. they got rid of mattermost at Mt job. i miss it like an old friend an old coworker making me happy day to day. applied to a new job yesterday, another moment of excitement crushed into little tiny pieces with the slow deterioration slow fade out of expectation and realization that it will never happen, could never happen, this accident of my birth will lead only to this this this nothing else but this.

coffee

sip

perfectly warm but on its way to lukewarm

wonderful Sunday morning

stress and worry about the daily tasks. my daily bread. the drive and will to live.

baby steps. baby does not step yet. but every step is taken and given in time. click clack clock. stick stack stock. give a dog a bone. dogs love bones. they eat them up gobble gobble yum bark bark like the joe pera movie from covid when he put the song by his friend and I think it was Marquette or Milwaukee and these wonderful places only exist to themselves. there has never been anywhere else. those places are good, not better than anything, not inferior to anything, they are simply are. they simply is. they are good.

this is it. this is it. this has always been it

this has always been all there has ever been

and it's only here and now and forever. nothing is earned, everything is given. every thing is a gift. if you are happy or if you are good at public relations or if you have to go to school or if you make a new friend or if you can ride your bike or if the snow falls gently on the ground or if your mother or father passes away or if you look up at the sky or if you feel the energy to do your work or if you find joy or if you look for joy or if you live in sin or if you make mistakes. all given. nothing earned. nothing deserved. that's not what this is. we live in the twilight zone but not the kind of our own design. we live in black and white. we live in 1960. we live in mad Men but with much better writing and much more interesting and better acting characters. the guy from the thing there that is from something else now.

coffee

sip

still warm enough

....

for me. only for me. for you. all of it for you. you and me. this is the only of your only. you will only and only will you. only you. g on the keyboard. only you see and only you create. no world. no world but the world you experience. no world but here and now. I experience therefore I am. no thought from origin known. no feeling from source. only the black divine first.

gift to discover. the lifetime of film reels flipping and gripping and tripping and slipping. past. now. into forever. you're playing a video game. not an open world beta. not a platformer. you're playing the one that is a dance. you're playing the one you have rehearsed and practiced so fervently that it is impossible to make a wrong move. impossible to play a wrong note. you have memorized and internalized and ingrained every flicker of this movement it's muscle memory now. it's all you can do and you're stuck in its glorious embrace. you flicker as you can only flicker. it's all for you. made specifically for you. made for you to feel exactly precisely infinitesimally what you feel. with the typos and the screaming bonus. autocomplete predictive text game and then you're gonna be able to play Quicktionary. I don't know what that is. don't remember. it showed up. slipping

ah yea it's a little game with cards.

typescript. a command. type a script

gotta do that

baby baby still baby upstairs changed and cooing which to me should have a different word should be something like ahhhhhhhhhhh because she makes ahhhhhhhhhhh sound.

never will I ever be the thing I envision and dream but every minute brings me closer to the one that will be me when me shall be and ever

good timez